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Things I Couldn't Have Made Up

Two recently encountered items I wish I was creative enough to have made up but that are, amusingly, true. First, from the community bulletin board at an Ashland Safeway:

To help raise awareness of prostate cancer ... we will be sponsoring a "world's cutest baby" contest.

Of course. Naturally. What else?

And from the Ashland Daily Tidings classified ads:

ROOSTER found in back yard. Please call.

Pretty please?